women

Like the colours of this work. interested in doing a series of my friends but setting people up in a photoshoot. Hellen van Meene sets up some interesting scenarios. The lighter colours are more indicative of the mood. Thinking of trying to work even more subtle colours together. The woman disappearing...

Portrait

Not a good or bad day: no opinion, no critic.

The disappearance of self. A long time is short. A successful day is a successful piece of work, although I am learning to not engage in the emotional process too much. It isn't about me, it is about what comes through me. Thus, there is nothing to think about. It is everything to be sat at the desk painting. Then leave, go out, be a person and come back later for more. There is no beginning, ending, good, bad; there is only painting.
The critic is a trapped spectator. Always wanting to be on the inside, always trapped on the outside.

Will

Enjoying the process. Finding that I am enjoying the preoccupation with paint and not the yearning to be/say something. The desire to get away from the object. Process has to be the reason and even then it surpasses reason in this way. The kindness of knowing when to leave something alone (myself?). A consideration of what development is and how this takes time, a period not defined by my will. It teaches me to take my time with a space that is right but that can only be defined by application and the perception to pick up on what seems to be the right direction.

Pathos

Reminding oneself to take risks, not rely on what you think you know. Both getting lost and keeping on locating yourself. Making a mess but being tidy in process. Keen now to get on with this and enjoy the process more. I think that the portrayal of a scene is particularly easy because the involvement of the painter is only perfunctory. To get involved in the painting it almost has to be a painting of a painting or else the paint is decorative. The paint has to dictate the image. This implies a humility, interest in and of its self, and the openess to non-prescribed activity. The boundaries of how I am going about it are defined but not decided. I am finding out. The necessary self-discipline to go into it fully. Stepping away from that which is easy and representational. Moving away from the making of marks to confirm ones existence, rather the making of marks to explore ones existence. I don't need to keep reminding myself I am here! Beauty in that which is ugly, which stops a thing being anything; non-defined. Representing the non-physical in pure physicality. So maybe it is about saying everything without the signifiers, the confidence to not have to tell a story?